Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Bipartisan Politics

Many Americans feel that true bipartisan political cooperation is mythical creature on the level of Sasquatch or simplified income tax guidelines, but I am here to tell you that such a creature does indeed exist. Right now in this country Democratic and Republican lawmakers and are working hand in hand, joined by a common purpose that they believe supersedes any allegiance to political conglomerates and brings them together as legislators of this great nation. What is this extraordinary purpose you ask? Is it healthcare reform? Economic recovery? Cancer research? Genocide prevention?
 Although important, these issues are powerless against the schism that exists between our elected officials. Only one rally cry could unite all politicians: adultery; specifically, ensuring that those who commit it can no longer face criminal prosecution. While the rest of us might be content to sit around our offices drawing a salary from the tax payers, Timothy Horrigan (Democrat) and Carol McGuire (Republican) are co-sponsoring a bill that will remove any anti-adultery legislation from the books in New Hampshire. They felt that it was time someone took a stand and prevented the state from telling “two consenting adults who they can sleep with.”
While undeniably noble, the gesture has one minor flaw: it is epically stupid. For one thing, the retention or repealing of an unenforceable statute makes no difference to the constituents under its power. Even with their collective armies of aides and interns, Tim and Carol were unable to locate a single documented case where anyone in New Hampshire was ever prosecuted for adultery. It is bad enough that elected officials often disregard the wishes of their districts, must they now resort to openly mocking taxpayers by drafting a bill to repeal a law that hasn’t been enforced since the telegraph was invented?
Unfortunately, the insanity doesn’t stop there. Cornerstone Action, a conservative think-tank lead by its executive director Kevin Smith, is protesting the repealing of adultery statutes because infidelity “weakens families.” The only thing more ludicrous than drafting a pointless bill to negate a forgotten law is organizing a protest to stop the pointless bill once it has been written. Do these people honestly think that saving this ordinance is all that is needed to prevent the erosion of families? After all, adultery is still illegal in Florida and we all saw what a dramatic effect it had on Tiger Woods.
I would continue to rant, but I must finish drafting my legislation that criminalizes undercooked seafood….

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