Wednesday, December 29, 2010

White Supremacy & You!

Recently, I watched a documentary about the Imperial Klans of America, a white supremacist organization based in Kentucky. A subsidiary of the original Klu Klux Klan, the IKA currently has the second largest membership of any Klan organization and sponsors a yearly music and cultural celebration known as NordicFest where hundreds of able-bodied crackers gather to reaffirm their commitment to the white race.

Like the KKK before them, membership in the IKA is restricted to “pure” Caucasians who have never been in a romantic relationship with a member of another race. They hate Jews, Asians, Latinos, African-Americans, Indians, and presumably, Mariah Carey.

There were two aspects of the IKA in particular that struck me. The first was that they opened their rituals (such as the annual cross-burning) with a prayer, specifically because they wish to pay homage to Jesus. Unfortunately, the documentary did not capture the full prayer so I began to wonder what a white supremacist prayer preceding a cross burning might sound like, and this is what I came up with.

Heavenly Father,

                     We just thank you for bringing us together on this beautiful day to hate the Jews and the Mexicans. Though we may walk through the valley of the shadow of Negros, we fear neither Asians nor Native Americans for you are with us. We ask that you bless us as we ignite the device used to crucify your Anglo-Saxon offspring and may the racial slurs of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be pleasing unto you. May your ethnically-specific grace continue to shine on our genetically translucent skin tone.  


The second thing that struck me was how heavily the IKA leaned on white power music as a recruiting tool. This seems rather unwise since it appears that quality songwriting is not the strong suit of those espousing the idea of a “master race.” I realize of course that I shouldn’t be expecting The White Album (pun absolutely intended) from a band named “Jew Slaughter” or “Grinded Nig,” but perhaps a little variety in subject matter would expand their fan-base. After all, how many songs can you reasonably compose with “white power” in the chorus? What they need are more love songs because there cannot be a large number of Aryan couples in these movements who exclaim “that’s our song!” every time “Kansas City Kike Massacre” comes on.

Surprisingly, many studies corroborate the group’s claim that white supremacy music brings in hundreds of young men to IKA and similar organizations. This means that in a majority of cases it isn’t overwhelming hatred that drives youth into their ranks, just a lack-luster music collection. If this is indeed the case, we could disband the entire white power movement with a few well-placed Led Zeppelin albums and an iTunes account.

All joking aside, you guys really are embarrassing the rest of us white people. We are having a hard enough time recovering from Gary Busey’s last stint on Celebrity Rehab without you claiming that you and your unnecessarily-camouflaged Uncle Jimmy represent the pinnacle of human evolution.

And by the way, Jesus was a Jew and I am pretty sure he would tell you that your music sucks too.

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