Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Where There's Smoke...

Holyoke, Massachusetts Deputy Fire Chief Timothy Moran has given two decades of service to the city he loves, so the community was shocked when he abruptly retired after being disciplined for his role in a artistic endeavor. Apparently, he gave permission for a group of female bikini-models to utilize city fire trucks, equipment, and property for a photo shoot. The incident took place outside Fire Department headquarters and a local paper obtained photos of the girls clad in turnout gear and brandishing axes while posing in front of Holyoke Fire Engines.
A picture from the firehouse photo shoot
The Moran legacy doesn’t end there. On June 15, 2011, Tim and his older brother Will (then acting fire chief of Holyoke) were having lunch at a local restaurant when they spotted a couple of on-duty fireman walking into a nearby delicatessen. Chief Will called in a fake emergency to dispatch (so he could see the two firemen come scrambling out) and the firemen and the rest of their company were on the way to this false fire when they were involved in a four-vehicle accident that sent one citizen to the hospital. The prank resulted in criminal charges for Will and the loss of his position as acting fire chief.

It certainly sounds as if sound decision making isn’t a Moran family tradition. I fully understand that “no” was probably not the initial response that popped into Tim’s head when he was asked if scantily-clad models could bounce around the firehouse for the duration of B shift, but perhaps allowing all this to transpire in front of the public was not the best career move. Taxpayers know we are often getting screwed, but do us the courtesy of not beating us over the heads with it.

The public outrage was likely justified, especially because response times to a fire could be affected. I can almost hear the testimony now:

“Explain again why the Johnson homed burned down before you were able to get there?”

“Well sir, Tiffany & Sarah were arguing over who got to wear the haz-mat mask and the men were reluctant to break up what could conceivably evolve into a tickle fight. To further exacerbate the chaos, none of us realized that Briana was still bent over the bumper of the snorkel truck waiting for a makeup re-touch and we almost backed over her leg. We dodged a bullet there sir.”

As poor as Tim’s call to allow the shoot was, he will always be eclipsed by his brother. There is nothing wrong with a lighthearted practical joke to buoy morale, but dispatching an entire engine company just to see a couple of guys wolf down a meatball sub seems unprofessional. The town is lucky he wasn’t the police chief or for an encore he might have murdered a homeless man just to watch the on call detective truncate a bowel movement and dash from the men’s room.

All moral indignation aside, the least they could have done is made a little money from the shoot. After all, municipal coffers need all the help they can get nowadays and the program of attractive coeds with city owned property & equipment could become a real breadwinner through calendar sales. This could mesh nicely with Holyoke’s “City Parks After Dark” series. I have even taken the liberty of jotting down a few calendar themes:

  • Waste-bins & Perfect 10’s
  • Backhoes & Pantyhose
  • Porn Stars & Patrol Cars
  • Man-hole covers & Redhead lovers
  • Hot Blondes & Retention Ponds
  • Public Works & Wet Shirts
  • Traffic Stops & Halter Tops
  • Lingerie & Right-of-Way

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