Friday, September 16, 2016

Random Thoughts 12

Recently, while suffering from a rather severe cold, I broke down and attempted to procure some 12-hour Sudafed from my local Walgreens. I knew that the process would be difficult, but I had tried everything else and nothing works as well on my nasal congestion. So I picked up the little card and approached the register. I am already prepared to sign the lengthy digital affidavit and present my government-issued photo ID so imagine my surprise when I was told I would have to talk to the pharmacists before that process could begin.

So I wait until the pharmacist comes over and apparently her job is to try and persuade me to purchase something that would not be included in a meth-lab starter-kit. “Have you tried Tylenol Sinus? What about Nyquil Daytime?” I explained to her that I have tried all of those things and I would not subject myself to this process if I was not confident in a favorable outcome. Mercifully, she gave her blessing to the cashier for the transaction to continue.

This got me thinking: What if firearm transactions were conducted in this manner?

I would like to purchase a handgun.
Personal protection.
Have you considered a taser or a machete? How about a modified pool cue instead?
I really don’t feel that they would be as effective.
How about a baseball bat? I know they don’t seem as lethal, but if you’ll recall what happens to Joe Pesci and his brother at the end of Casino I think..
Can you just ring me up for the handgun?

Useless Platitudes
  • Sometimes it is difficult to see the forest or the trees without corrective lenses
  • Relativism is like a stream; it can be difficult to navigate in a Corolla
  • Never let negativity affect your ability to fall short of expectations
  • It is easier to seek the light when you are willing to search for it
  • There is nothing more ambiguous than the absence of a clear direction
  • Avoid allowing your weeks to be filled with too many days, or the hours may pass you by.
  • Sadness will only dwell with you if don’t pretend you are not home when it comes to the door
  • Tiny gloves are only useful to those with small hands.

  • My favorite new product with an unenforceable guarantee is the Guaranteed 12-Hour Deodorant. What would be the process of getting a refund? More importantly, what poor soul at the company has to verify when Bubba is 11 ½ hours into a July roofing job and it smells like he has a marooned pirate in a headlock?

I got into an interesting conversation when my wife and I were going through the Wendy’s drive-thru a few weeks ago. We had just placed an order for a couple of chocolate Frostys when the disembodied voice came back and asked if we would like to “donate a dollar to diabetes prevention.” Unable to let the irony of the request go unremarked upon, I asked the employee if she felt odd asking that question to someone who has just ordered desserts with a collective 92 grams of sugar.
She gamely replied that she wasn’t certain but assured me that the money “would help the       people with diabetes or something.” Having given her a hard time we went ahead and donated the dollar (perhaps it will be used to produce literature I will later read while eating a Frosty).She had a delightful sense of humor and when my wife and I pulled up to the window she had just taken another order and they had also agreed to make a donation. Indicating that I had started something I told her that I would be willing to circle around a few more times until we got this epidemic taken care of. She smiled and offered my wife a few sympathetic words.

  • I must applaud Facebook for their “celebrate 10 years of friendship” video algorithm. I watched a sample video it put together of me and someone else on Facebook and it was so touching I almost forgot that we don’t have any tangible relationship at all. 

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