Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Goddesses & Good Times

Prostitution has been called the world’s oldest profession and throughout history we see examples of individuals trading currency or commodities for carnal favors. However, as it remains illegal in the United States (with the exception of a few decommissioned bomb testing sites in Nevada) those dabbling in the flesh trade have been forced to run clandestine operations. While there are a few notable exceptions, such as the Arkansas “VIP Spa” for lonely truckers, most keep a low profile to avoid legal repercussions.

Founder Tracy Elise (during an apparent fireworks mishap)
This all changed in 1995 when former beauty queen Tracy Elise decided to leave her husband, children, and small business to pursue her destiny as a “goddess.” Unable to find an accredited university with a goddess program, she opted for real-world training in a Washington State massage parlor. From there she spent time at the Seattle Tantra Temple until she landed in Phoenix a few years ago and opened The Phoenix Goddess Temple, the most brilliant brothel the world has ever seen.

Elise claims that since her own sensual awakening, a journey that by her own admission involved over 1,000 lovers or about 1/8th of the standing US coast guard, she has felt the calling to bring her spiritual eroticism to the masses. Well aware of the legal tightrope she was walking, Elise created a church that offered prosecutable services with un-prosecutable names like “Full body Chakra contact” and “Sacred Vessel Anointing.” All sessions are offered to “seekers” in exchange for “suggested donations” to further the mission of the temple.

Most female practitioners, referred to exclusively as goddesses, use quasi-mythological pseudonyms like “Ora Lakshmi” or “Astrid” and each has a profile page where they can showcase their specialties while prospective seekers view casual portraits (such as Leila Swan air-humping a cello while dressed as a Geisha or Angelica meditating butt-naked in a fern garden). Each goddess must adhere to the unquantifiable characteristics identified in the temple’s governing document such as embodying a “full spectrum living matrix” and “artfully weaving the ladder of light.” There is no mention of Microsoft Excel experience.

Goddess "Bast"on casual Friday.
The business model is so successful that the city of Phoenix has never been able to cite them for anything more substantial than inadequate parking in their three years of operation, partially because “seekers” sign a waiver implying that they are there for spiritual enlightenment only. A seeker is asked for a suggested hourly tithe based on the temple’s study of ancient numerology and these “donations” are cash only to provide a “deterrent to a person excessively visiting and going into debt.” 

After reading an expose in the Phoenix New Times and visiting the temple’s website, I must admit the group’s prodigious implementations of euphemisms for the male reproductive organ is nothing short of inspired. It is identified as a “wand of light,” “resonating vessel,” and if I am interpreting the FAQ correctly, a “fire finger” among others. Even the detailed descriptions seem to be constructed for reasonable doubt in a jury trial:

  “Everything I showed him about the Polarities that we learned in class blew his mind, and his awareness just grew and grew.  When I laid over him to plug the chakra energy centers into each other, I started at the root of course and let him feel it with his new awareness.  I wish you could have seen his face!  We then nested our energy centers the rest of the way up to the crown.”

I have read this four times and either something dirty transpired concerning some guy’s “nested energy center” or they took up a love offering. Even the extra services could be interpreted several ways:
Releasing Kundalini – either a Class C felony or what happens after consuming a chipotle burrito value meal.
Sacred Cacao Hot Chocolate Ceremony – either illegal for consenting adults in all 50 states or a delicious Christmas tradition served with graham crackers.
Tantric Soul Gazing – either extremely inappropriate for the office or the working title of Sting’s autobiography.
Surrender to Yin – either a source of venereal disease or a clever nickname for a Chinese plea-bargain.
Full Chakra Hug – either an erotic formal greeting or the street name for what happened to Joe Pesci’s character at the end of Casino.
I would be interested to see what happens if a “seeker” has something done to his “enlightenment basket” and declines to donate a “tithe.” Are there cosmic repercussions? Does the “goddess shaman” realign the seeker’s “inner being” with a complimentary “pressure point activation session” in the temple parking lot?

While I cannot condone the services offered by the Phoenix Goddess Temple, I must admire their creativity. Tracy Elise has created a business that openly exchanges sensual favors for cash in a busy metropolitan area while invoking the protections of religious freedom. The website is descriptive enough to make you want to take a shower but vague enough to make you unsure exactly why that shower is necessary. A visitor can read pages upon pages describing “cosmic-vessel awakening rituals” and “polarity staff realignment services” but not once could I find direct mention of genitals. The site’s wording in so effective that most Internet filters do not classify the site as adult.

It remains to be seen whether or not the city will find a way to shut down the temple, but in the meantime it appears that there are plenty of “seekers” whose “chakras” are in need of “enlightenment.”

The Phoenix Temple's Website is here.  


  1. You write this as an outsider with your own perspective and mocking, satire even slander seems to be your style
    It sickens me how you degrade and belittle the people involved at the temple-
    I have known many of them for years and they have a deep faith that is eccentric but they are not hiding behind it with a motive to commit prostitution for money!
    They sincerely believe in thier way of worship.
    So you need to get off your high horse and look in the mirror- your perfect? right.

  2. Exceptional MediocrityOctober 27, 2011 at 6:43 PM

    My dearest anonymous,

    You were quite astute to pick up on my mocking tone as I laid it on pretty thick. While I cannot argue in favor of my perfection, I stand by my cynicism regarding the temple. I really doubt that the majority of the male clientele is seeking true spiritual enlightenment. If, however, the Temple is still able generate $400 per hour without offering sexual services I will be happy to issue an apology.....

  3. Gotta give you props as a writer -
    i am deeply familiar with the topic
    and know and respect Tracy Elise.
    So any disrespect is offensive....

    Yet you made me laugh aloud.
    Which is always a Good Thing.

    As a bonus - your wit is not cruel.
    Merely ignorant - and incomplete.

    What is missing from you article
    is some introspection. Why do
    you reject the truth in her Faith?
    Question your Self.

    Your doubts about any real spiritual
    intentions by curious horn-dog doods
    are a sad aspect of human nature.
    Most guys just prowl for new thrills.
    And, yes, 1-2% leave no donation.

    But any Teacher is gratified to find
    2-3% of any Students who ever wish
    to actually LEARN something with the
    power to change your whole life.

    For the better..

    As far as your snarky suspicions
    about Tracy's motives and sincerity...?

    Know that in 2012 she was inducted
    as an Elder Medicine Woman in the
    Oklevueha Tribe, then the Phoenix
    Goddess Temple was officially charted
    into the Native American Church.

    I pray you do not think THEY would
    countenance charlatans? You said
    something about an apology...?

    Fundamentalism vs Freedom of Religion.
    As far as true intentions and strength
    of their beliefs, seven of those women
    have, as i write, waited over two years
    to make their case in a Courtroom where
    a Prosecutor seeks to impose a gag order
    on any mention of "religion" in their defense.

    Because he -like you- does not believe
    Tracy has any right to worship as she
    sees fit.

    No laughing matter.

    1. Exceptional MediocrityOctober 2, 2013 at 10:06 AM

      My Dearest Clown Chakra,

      I appreciate your kind words and I am flattered that I was able to bring some levity to your day. As far as “questioning the truth in her faith” I must confess that I was unable to ascertain exactly what the “truth in her faith was”. The site, and the faith it champions, seem to exist only as amalgamations of vague euphemisms and rudderless doctrine. If being “intentionally conscious within your spirit vessel” brings you joy, then you have every right to pursue it. The focus of my article was simply to highlight the suspicious way the pursuit of said truth intersected with the commercialization of carnal encounters.

      I must admit that I have no knowledge of the Native American Church or their official policy concerning charlatanism so I am unable to comment on the legitimacy of their endorsement. I would, however, like to be very clear on one point: I am not opposed to Tracy worshiping “as she sees fit”. I fervently support freedom of religion and she has the right to “anoint the sacred vessel” of any consenting adult she wishes to. The complication arises when she opens a storefront and begins requesting cash in exchange for said anointing when such a practice violates local law. If they wish to petition a change in the law, that is their right. If they wish to relocate to an area with more favorable laws, that is also their right.

      Finally I did mention an apology, but it was contingent upon the Phoenix Goddess Temple’s ability to generate its then-reported income level of $400 per hour without offering anything resembling a sexual favor. To my knowledge this has not yet occurred so I will, for the time being, hold my apology.

  4. You show a firm prejudice against the mothers of touch love, receptivity in favor of logic, sound and ideas, which are not material

    1. Exceptional MediocrityMay 1, 2015 at 3:01 PM

      Agreed. Is this THE Tracy Elise?

    2. What comes around, goes around. You think you can outsmart everyone don't you? Not this time. I hear Arizona prison suck... ROFL

  5. LoL...

    Just another scheming whore trying to beat the system. She got off light.

    She's a Grade A dirtbag so she'll fit right in with her inmates.


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