Not long ago, my wife and I spent an evening at the Opryland
Hotel in Nashville. In order to get to our room, we had to pass by the lost and
found office for the entire facility. Given that the hotel has over 2,000
rooms, it was a fairly large operation and I stopped in because I doubted that
there was anyone else in the hotel with a better story than the people that staffed
this particular office.
Upon entry, I peered over the half-door and there was a
dark-haired woman seated at a computer and wearing a headset. There were
several rows of industrial shelving behind her and each held large plastic bins
of what I assumed where misplaced items waiting to be claimed. She cordially
inquired if I had lost an item and I informed her that I happened to be walking
by and was curious what the strangest item they had ever had claimed. The
phrasing was intentional because while I am sure they had many odd items placed
in their care; there are many people who would rather replace said item than
face the embarrassment of claiming ownership.
She smiled warily and assured me that “there is nothing you
could imagine that we haven’t had.” I clarified to see if her statement still
applies to items that had actually been claimed and she reiterated that regardless
of the nature of the item, they had seen it all. By now, she had clearly begun
to wonder what she had done to deserve the punishment of being on duty when I
walked in and was eager to get back to work. Thanking her for her time, my wife
and I made our way back to our room where she was going to freshen up her
makeup.
While sitting in the room and waiting for her to get ready, I
replayed the conversation in mind and the more I thought about it the more I
felt like she had challenged my creativity. On the complimentary stationary, I
quickly compiled a list of items and called back down to the lost and found
office to see if her initial statement still held water. She cheerily answered
the phone, but I did notice a change in tone when I explained that I was the
guy who had been inquiring about strange items earlier. I told her that I had a
list and simply wished to know if they had seen any of the following items:
Me- Inflatable
giraffe?
Her – Pool or
otherwise?
Me – Either
Her – No.
Me – Last will
and testament?
Her – No.
Me –
Container of combustible liquid?
Her – No.
Me –
Artificial limb?
Her – No.
Me – French
currency?
Her – No.
Me – An urn
with human remains?
Her – No.
With each successive answer, I could almost hear her
wondering why she couldn’t have called in sick today.I ended the conversation
by thanking her again for her time and adding (somewhat haughtily) “So I
suppose they are some items I could
imagine that you have not had….” Undoubtedly already filling out the paperwork necessary
to be transferred to another department, she conceded that perhaps she had
underestimated my creativity and optimistically asked if “that was all I needed.”
As I hung up the phone, my wife emerged from the bathroom and
asked me who I was talking to. When I explained and showed her the list in my
hands, she simply shook her head and wondered aloud for what to have been the
500th time in our marriage “What is wrong with you!”
I always wonder if there are people that just walk into lost
and founds and start fishing to see if they can luck out by asking vague
questions like “You guys did not happen to find a large amount of cash and/or
precious stones that may or may not have been left in a common area in the past
few weeks did you?” I have been told that going to the lost and found at a
large hotel is also the easiest way to acquire a spare phone charger without
incurring any additional cost.
