Saturday, November 12, 2011

Bielebers


Recently, twenty-year-old single mother Mariah Yeater filed a paternity suit in California’s court system. That, in and of itself, was not unusual. What was unusual was that she claimed the father of her infant was none other than entertainer Justin Bieber. According to the documents she filed with the court, Mariah was taken backstage by a security guard after Bieber’s October 2010 concert at the Los Angeles Staple Center where she was asked to wait with several other young women. Justin then appeared, presumably to select the recipient of his advances, and chatted with Mariah and the other women before pulling her into a restroom and proceeded to give her the ultimate fan experience.
Mariah Yeater
Mariah also felt in necessary to document the fact that she was Bieber’s first lover, that he employed “the dirty talk” during their encounter, and refused to use a prophylactic. She is asking for $144,000 a year in child support citing, among other things, the $25,000 she still owes the hospital for her son’s birth. Representatives for the singer have denounced the claims and deny that Bieber is the father of little Tristyn Anthony Markhouse Yeater.

Beiber’s fans, predictably, issued their customary online Fatwa by promising to dish out their own form of vigilante justice. Several self-described “Beliebers” have directly threatened homicide, while others are content with derogatory comments. Bieber has been ordered to appear in court this December to directly respond to Yeater’s allegations. Despite the threats, Mariah adamantly insists “I believe that Justin Bieber is the father of my baby” which is the one statement I am pretty sure is true.

Skeptics highlight Yeater’s financial distress (she is unemployed and relies on government assistance) as proof that she is just seeking an easy payday from a millionaire. It does seem rather unlikely, and conveniently flattering, that Bieber was so physically attracted to her that he selected her from among thousands of female admirers to lose his virginity to.

Yeater’s defenders and they tend to be greatly outnumbered, respond that she has taken a great risk by coming forward since she could be prosecuted for statutory rape under California law. If, the events transpired as she claims, Bieber would have been only sixteen at the time of the encounter while she was already nineteen. They also maintain that $12,000 a month is a reasonable sum to request from someone making $50 million a year.

Personally, I am not sure who will turn out to be more delusional: the woman who believes that she got “Biebered” in the men’s room or the fans willing to murder a single mother for pretending to have sex with someone they have never met. Thanks to modern D.N.A. testing paternity is a relatively easy allegation to prove or disprove, but I doubt that either will save Yeater now. Whether she is or isn’t telling the truth, some unhinged fan will probably stab her with an icepick outside an Arby’s for defiling her idol.

If it is true, I suppose Bieber could simply claim he was dehydrated and thought she was Selena Gomez or that he was under the impression that what occurred was part of the VIP Meet & Greet package. Sadly, it would seem to undermine the adolescent romanticism portrayed in Bieber’s music if he lines women up like cattle and then selects which one to impregnate. On the plus side, he and Gene Simmons would now have something to talk about.

Even if she is lying, you have to give her credit for attempting to extricate herself from public assistance. While others are content to simply suckle at the public teet, young Mariah took matters into her own hands and fabricated a prosecutable sexual encounter with a wealthy minor. While not as ethical as putting in an application at her local Cosco, you cannot accuse her of not having ambition. To those that say America’s youth is losing its innovative edge, Yeater stands tall as a beacon of hope at least until iLoveBieb4Eva’ busts her knee with a pipe wrench.

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