Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Random Thoughts Part 5

  • One day I would like to see a car commercial for a vehicle that wasn’t a top government safety pick. I think it would be refreshing to hear a television voiceover announce that, “While it’s true that our vehicle’s poor design and substandard craftsmanship increases the likelihood you will perish in a roadside fireball, we both know that you can’t afford a Volvo so let’s stop kidding ourselves.”

  • It is amazing how quickly the prevalence of a technology causes it to lose its cache. It wasn’t long ago that biometric authentication was the stuff of science fiction, and yet I discovered last week that my local Wendy’s has fingerprint scanners at every register (presumably for employee verification). One minute this innovation is safe-guarding nuclear missile silos and the next minute it is in danger of becoming yet another victim of Wendy’s chili.   

  • I have always thought that “For Sale by Owner” signs contained an unnecessary clarification. Doesn’t the very act of putting an item up for sale imply legal ownership?

  • Since there has always been a stigma associated with people or companies that require a non-disclosure agreement, I have always wondered if there is a way to prevent someone from disclosing the fact that they signed a non-disclosure agreement. That way if a reporter asks, “Did you sign a non-disclosure agreement?” they were legally obligated to yodel until someone changed the subject.

  • Recently I saw a “help wanted” sign outside of a Manpower staffing agency. I found this confusing since it was unclear whether Manpower itself was seeking employees to staff its local office or they were letting prospective clients know that there was contractual work available through Manpower. If the latter was true, it was clever marketing. If the former scenario was true, this was terrible marketing. After all, my first thought as an employer would be, “if a staffing agency is unable to locate quality employees for their own offices, how effective could they really be?”

  • There are two kinds of people: those willing to place humanity into unrealistically-broad categories and those who aren’t.

  • Dress Barn is a terrible name for women’s clothing emporium. The juxtaposition of a formal garment and livestock housing sends mixed messages. I can tell you that I would be unlikely to shop at a place called the “Tuxedo Shed”. Plus, I doubt many women would find it desirable to have their clothing associated with a structure known for its width. Perhaps “Gown Trough” would be more appealing.
  • I love it when a network leverages unverifiable Twitter reviews to increase their audience for a show. Like someone might be on the fence about placing a series on their DVR schedule until they see that @Sassy4Lyfe314 found it to be “My fav new custodial drama!” #solventsofsadness

Bumper Sticker Ideas:

  • If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, Then It Is Highly Unlikely That You Are Illiterate.

  • Follow Me to Learn More about Individuality

  • I’d Rather Be Constantly Dissatisfied

  • Proud Parent of a Tax Deduction

  • Ask Me about My Middle Finger

  • Your Mom is My Co-Pilot

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