Enemy of the State

A few weeks ago, my wife and I sat down to watch the 1998 Gene Hackman / Will Smith thriller Enemy of the State because she had never seen it. What was downright chilling was the prophetic nature of the story line. For those who haven’t seen it, the plot runs as follows:

The NSA is requesting broad latitude in applying domestic surveillance to United States citizens without their knowledge. This is being done under the guise of “preventing terrorism” and is being championed by a United States senator named Sam Albert. Murder and political intrigue ensue peppered by opposing arguments concerning the dangers and merits of warrantless investigation of American citizens. Gene Hackman’s character, a former NSA employee, reveals that the telecommunications industry is “in bed with the government” and that there are large-scale datacenters scouring and storing private phone conversations and e-mails for keywords like “bomb” or “Allah”.

All of this is being masterminded by Jon Voight’s character who, we told in the film, was born on September 11^th. The supporters of domestic surveillance in the film cite the countless lives that have been spared by removing the red tape associated with domestic surveillance, while those opposed decry the removal of our civil rights in the name of safety. Just for a splash of extra authenticity the Congressman is cheating on his wife, the government is spending a lot of money with minimal oversight and an El Camino catches fire following a minor impact.

While it is much easier to find modern parallels with the benefit of hindsight, what was dismissed as creative fiction by most has turned out to be rather prophetic. We now know that exactly 10 years after this movie was produced the NSA began its PRISM surveillance program. This program, with the cooperation of large telecommunications providers, enables the NSA to gather citizen data under the banner of public safety. Even the real life legislation (2007’s Protect America Act) that gave birth to the PRISM program sounds like the one in the film. We know all of this because one day after it was revealed that telecommunications giant Verizon Communications was turning over customer data to the NSA, contractor Edward Snowden went public with PRISM’s existence.

It turns out the most unrealistic aspect of the film was how efficiently the government could utilize the data in a meaningful way. It never ceases to amaze when a spy movie shows a bunch of MIT graduates surrounded by monitors while an emboldened supervisor barks things like “get me all the June security footage from the Starbucks on Poplar!” or “find out where that tunnel leads!” and it actually happens. I can tell you from experience that Starbucks does not keep security footage that long and even if they did it would take you two hours to find the proprietary codec to view it. As far as the tunnel goes, in all likelihood the only plans of the tunnel are hardcopies rotting away in an unfinished municipal basement. My favorite is when someone brings up a digital image comprised of a finite number of pixels and by yelling “ENHANCE!” suddenly we are presenting with a picture so clear we can remotely compare dental records.

There is a chance that I have dramatically underestimated our government’s ability to quickly integrate disparate data systems in a meaningful way, but if that is the case then someone owes this country’s veterans an apology. Since 2008, the Department of Defense and the Veterans Affairs Department have spent over $1 Billion dollars trying to create a single records system that would contain all vital health records for soldiers and streamline the process of claims. Earlier this year, it was announced that they couldn’t create a separate system after all and would simply have to try integrating the two existing systems. If it takes us 5 years and one billion dollars to clarify what we can’t do, I would hate to see the budget and timeline for projects we can do.

2,998

I first wrote about Pastor Terry Jones in 2010 when he made news by planning to burn several copies of The Koran outside his Dove World Outreach Center in Florida. After fervent public opposition by then US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and General David Petraeus, Terry called off the event. Aside from a pro-George Zimmerman rally and a 2012 run for president, he has remained somewhat low key until a few days ago.

Jones was arrested on September 11, 2013 in Polk County Florida for unlawfully transporting fuel, openly carrying a firearm, and cited for improper lighting on his trailer. His pickup truck was towing a smoker and a trailer filled with 2,998 kerosene-soaked copies of the Koran that he planned to burn at a rally in Loyce E. Harpe Park (despite being denied the necessary permits by county officials). According to Pastor Terry, the number of Korans was significant as each copy represented “one of the victims, every person murdered by Islam” during the September 11^th attacks. 

The number of Korans carried a poignant, but unintended, significance since it also included the 19 hijackers who perpetrated the attacks. While it is possible that Pastor Jones was subtly reminding us that everyone who lost their lives that day was a victim of barbarically-misguided religious interpretation, it is more likely that his kerosene budget dramatically eclipsed his research budget. His lack of attention to detail (or statistics) undermined the statement he thought he was making. Sixty of the victims of 9/11 were Muslims, ranging from a bank vice president with an office in the south tower to a man and his pregnant wife on board the flight that crashed into the north tower.

 

Essentially this means that, for a small percentage of the victims, Terry Jones wishes to honor their death by burning copies of the very religious text they adhered to while alive. It is this adversarial “us or them” tone that attempts to satisfy our desire to transform complex moral or political issues into Facebook memes. Our willingness and ability to engage in informed discourse concerning the threats and challenges facing our nation has and should continue to define us. I find it ironic that, in a period of history where anyone with an Internet connection can access unprecedented amounts of data, statistics, and information, most of us still form our opinions on current events by reading the included caption on a shared status update.   

When I visited the website for Pastor Terry’s organization I read through his cryptically-titled article “12 Reasons to Burn 2,998 Korans on September 11, 2013” where he presents his reasoning for the planned sacred-text flambe’. Among subtle entries like “Islam is the Devil” his list includes more nuanced critiques of the world’s second largest religion such as “Islam is political. Islam does not recognize the separation of religion and state”. This was an interesting justification to be championed by a minister funding a “political organization using the United States Constitution’s First Amendment right to stand against radical Islam and protest the moral decline of America.”

The “moral decline” he refers to apparently manifests itself in 6 specific ways:

• Islam
• The Gay-Lesbian Agenda
• Abortion
• Government Overspending
• America’s slavery to the welfare state
• Racism

The elimination of these scourges, along with the immediate legalization of industrial hemp, formed the basis of his shockingly-unsuccessful 2012 presidential campaign platform.

While Terry has the right to publicly espouse his views (burn permits notwithstanding), perhaps he will realize that many of the “victims” he wishes to memorialize would be vehemently opposed to his tactics. Of course, kerosene is infinitely easier to acquire than perspective.

Online Game Ads

If you list yourself as “male” on Facebook you have probably been subjected to carnally-suggestive banner ads for online strategy games. While the games themselves differ a great deal, the marketing techniques do not. The basic framework for these banner ads is as follows:

1.      Must contain at least one illustration of an actual (or animated) woman displaying actual (or animated) cleavage

2.      Must allude to salacious content by referencing a minimum age or using terms like “Adults Only”.

3.      Must contain the words “play” and “now”

4.      Must link to an online recreational pursuit that is unlikely to bring the participant into contact with the actual (or animated) woman in the ad.

The first example is for a game called Pirates: Tides of Fortune, developed and marketed by a social gaming company called Plarium. Along with pirate strategy they also offer war strategy, new war strategy, economy strategy, nuclear strategy, farm strategy, and an obligatory online slot machine. The following ad popped up on my Facebook feed a few weeks ago:

As you can see, it features a comely animated lass who may have suffered a traumatic corneal injury. In bold letters we are told you must be a man over 18 to play. I assume that this is because women are psychologically unable to handle buccaneer-themed sexual innuendos as well as their male counterparts.  We are also reassured that they are peddling “The Most Addictive Pirate Strategy Game of 2013!” and while I have no doubt that must have been a tough category to dominate this year, I suspect the accolade may have been created for the product. This technique is not restricted to online swashbuckling strategy. I always enjoy when I see ad copy such as “Voted San Antonio’s Most Efficient Libertarian Vacuum Repair!” or “The Largest Selection of Discontinued Shoehorns in the Tri-State Area!”    

While “Pirates” may be the current favorite, it owes a sizable debt to Evony LLC who came under fire after launching the 2009 online campaign for their medieval civilization strategy game of the same name. Their ads featured increasingly lurid images of busty women who referred to male players as “My Lord” and invited would-be gamers to “play discreetly” in case they were concerned that someone might stumble into their mother’s basement unannounced. The company began by utilizing animated temptresses but eventually just started swiping pornography cover art. Not only were many of the ads denounces as blatantly sexist, many players were chagrined to discover that women pictured had nothing to do with the actual gameplay.

Their earliest ads featured an animated queen in period costume whose bosom appears to be under direct attack from a sword. The ad’s use of the “queen” designation implies some level of emotional and perhaps marital attachment:

In the next ad, your queen (although she is no longer designated as such) appears to have been liberated from both her captors and her inhibitions. Her expression is one of intense passion or carbon monoxide inhalation.

In the next ad, your endangered “queen” has been replaced by your endangered “lover” who is joined by her morally-pliable twin sister. Incidentally, it appears that the source of the carbon monoxide fumes has not yet been discovered.

In the next ad, they have abandoned any semblance of animation or period-accuracy. We are presented with a sultry blond whose role in your life is apparently so superficial she does not even qualify for the title of “lover”. The only thing that appears to be in danger now is the king’s pre-nup.

The Evony advertisements continue to digress until you are presented with a URL link disguised as a an actual pair of breasts. These ads are not limited to obscure PC gaming sites either. The following ad appeared under an article concerning 9/11 memorials on the Washington Times website:

As you can see, this ad features a well-endowed blonde woman whose outfit serves as a severally-overtaxed nipple retention system. In addition to that, the viewer is left to speculate on the suggestive positioning of her right hand (I choose to believe she is hiding her psoriasis). Clicking on the link brings one to the animated RPG game called Tynon where the object is to save the king from a Dark Wizard named Wyrm.Of course it is.

Marketing is a cut-throat business, but if it is a game market it as a game. I realize that targeted advertising is what allows companies like Google and Facebook to offer their services without charge, but is it too much to ask for a filter for online strategy game ads? Can I look at a news site without being subjected to an animated temptress with cleavage so disproportionate to her stature that it likely led to a slipped pixel in her lower back?

10 Years

As I write this, my wife and I have been married almost 10 years. A decade of marriage teaches you many things (humility, patience, domestic bartering) but one of the greatest things I have learned is gratitude. And it is in that spirit that I have compiled an abridged list of all the reasons I am thankful to be the husband to such a wonderful woman.

I am grateful for:

• The way you consistently look past my shortcomings even when you‘re uncertain there is anything redeeming to be found in their wake.

• Your unyielding support, even once you discovered that you were legally joined to a man that spent the better part of two hours penning an essay on when it’s acceptable to speak to another man in a public restroom.

• Your witty intelligence and the way you humbly deny its existence even to me.

• The way you can heroically feign interest when I discuss a documentary about salt mining.

• Your beautiful green eyes and the way they still remind me of the first time I looked into them.

• Your laughter, because it makes me grateful to have a sense of humor.

• The way you make me feel like less of a pansy by pretending my superficial injuries are as debilitating as I make them out to be.

• How you always ask about my day, even when I didn’t find it interesting enough to repeat.

• The way you treat my grating eccentricities as “endearing quirks.”

• Your culinary skills. Without you I would be doomed to an existence of meals that require me to “remove cellophane” before consuming.

• The fact that you can somehow embrace cynicism without missing any opportunities for hope.

• Your admirable taste in movies and music. Very rarely am I subjected to bland romantic comedies or uninspired Top 40 (your purchase of Black Eyed Peas notwithstanding.)

• Your sense of adventure, because it has prevented me from becoming a bookish miser with a ridiculously-large emergency fund.

• How you subtly you re-direct my wardrobe choices by presenting fashion hypotheticals (What if you didn’t wear an Animal House T-Shirt to the baptism….)

• The fact that you still miss me when we are apart, even if it is only for one night.

• The mother you are to our son while still finding the time and strength to be the wife you are to me.

But most of all, I am grateful that you said yes when I asked you to marry me ten years ago. Most girls dream of marrying confident, successful men whose good looks and intelligence are only eclipsed by their chiseled torsos. I, for one, am glad you set your sights a little lower. I love you.